Couples and relationships seek out therapy for any number of reasons. The concerns they present may vary considerably. They can be, for example, longstanding and seemingly entrenched, due to a more recent situation that has caused a crisis, or focused upon an area of particular difficulty, such as sexuality.
Communication and Conflict Resolution. A critical element in any therapy of this type involves developing or enhancing effective communication as well as learning how to manage conflict and distress in a productive manner. I have found that the ‘Gottman Method’ developed by John and Julie Gottman to be particularly helpful in identifying and focusing upon building effective communication patterns in specific areas. For example, couples may not have developed skills to handle situations in which one of them does not easily accept their partner/partners attempts to make emotional connections. Learning how to how to make and accept what the Gottmans call “bids” to attach emotionally can be drawn upon when a couple engages in a difficult conversation.
Sexual Concerns. At some point in a relationship, most couples experience difficulties in their sexual life together. Some of these may be connected with particular points in the ‘life’ of the relationship. The challenges of parenting (such as time, energy and privacy), experiences of individual or shared loss or major life stage challenges ('mid-life crisis') are a few examples. With aging, our sexual interests, energy and physical changes may challenge a couple unless they are able to incorporate these into a newly defined sexual intimacy. Most couples are able to negotiate these difficulties without professional assistance. However, some may find couples therapy helpful if they arise.
Infidelity. Perhaps infidelity in a monogamous relationship is one of the most common issues that lead a couple to seek professional help. Our understanding and definition of infidelity has changed immensely since the use of the internet became commonplace. Many now consider infidelity to also involve excessive or any use of pornography as well as engagement in “virtual affairs.” Hookups via apps such as Tinder and Grinder are now frequently the way in which people seek out and find other partners. These ways of engaging sexually with others outside of their primary relationships is now much more common in my practice than the more traditional model. In many cases, infidelity is a ‘signal’ of other significant problems in the couple relationship. While infidelity involves sexual behavior, it also represents both individual and couple issues that need attention.
Sexual Concerns. At some point in a relationship, most couples experience difficulties in their sexual life together. Some of these may be connected with particular points in the ‘life’ of the relationship. The challenges of parenting (such as time, energy and privacy), experiences of individual or shared loss or major life stage challenges ('mid-life crisis') are a few examples. With aging, our sexual interests, energy and physical changes may challenge a couple unless they are able to incorporate these into a newly defined sexual intimacy. Most couples are able to negotiate these difficulties without professional assistance. However, some may find couples therapy helpful if they arise.
Infidelity. Perhaps infidelity in a monogamous relationship is one of the most common issues that lead a couple to seek professional help. Our understanding and definition of infidelity has changed immensely since the use of the internet became commonplace. Many now consider infidelity to also involve excessive or any use of pornography as well as engagement in “virtual affairs.” Hookups via apps such as Tinder and Grinder are now frequently the way in which people seek out and find other partners. These ways of engaging sexually with others outside of their primary relationships is now much more common in my practice than the more traditional model. In many cases, infidelity is a ‘signal’ of other significant problems in the couple relationship. While infidelity involves sexual behavior, it also represents both individual and couple issues that need attention.